it's not a nude party but there's no rules against taking your pants off too

[flightsuit]

in which everyone is required to take their damn shirt off because reasons that's really all there is to this party so just take it off ladays and gents TOPLESS PARTY

Comments

[ingoodhans]

I don't have to tell you that. Like you said, it'd get rid of my air of mystery.

[ Hans snorts derisively, taking the soda anyway and offering him a smile. ]

Elsa just hasn't warmed up to me yet. I'm hardly as bad as you all seem to think I am.

[icy]

[ Air of mystery, my ass is muttered not-quite under his breath as he eyes that smile over a sip. Leaning on the counter, his attention roves out the back-yard over the heads through the window. ]

I just think I'll dump you in Antarctica if you ever hurt her or Anna.

[ Eyeing him again, Jack idles in consideration before glancing away. ]

But you're not bad, no.

[ingoodhans]

That's gonna be a problem. Anna likes me. I like her too, sure, but Elsa is... She's more my type.

[ The ice Queen type that can kick his ass. Hans pops open his soda, taking a long drink before continuing where he left off. ]

I don't mind fooling around with Anna. Anna's fun. But she's not her sister. Really, one of them is bound to get hurt, no matter what I do.

[icy]

You could tell Anna that you like Elsa. [ JUST SAYIN'. ] She won't believe it unless it comes straight from you.

[ingoodhans]

You sure about that? Because I don't think Anna even knows my last name. And we've been on a few dates.

[ Hans chuckles, like that's not a big deal or anything... ]

I think she just wants a boyfriend, whether it's me or not, doesn't matter. And I know that, and I can be that for her in the meantime. What's so bad about that?

[icy]

Anna wants to fall in love and go on picnics and be told she's pretty because she braided her hair a different way, she wants everything. If she thinks you can give her that, you need to tell her it's never going to happen and you're happy to just ... sleep around together.

She's a big girl, Hans, she can handle the truth.

[ Pausing. ]

She might cry for a while, but y'know. In the long run.

[ingoodhans]

[ Hans shakes his head. Bro, he's trying to be nice. Really. Well.

Not really. ]

You really think I should dump her? This coming from the guy who said he'd dump me in Antartica if I hurt Anna or her sister?

[icy]

Dump her because you want to date her sister? I think it's a good starting point so as few people as possible get sucked into a never-ending vortex of bullshit, yeah.

[ingoodhans]

You make it sound so horrible.

[ Dumping a girl, gosh. What a terrible thing, when Hans is so nice. ]

[icy]

It is horrible. Haven't you ever been dumped before? You feel like shit and even if you're the one doing the dumping, you still feel like shit whether you want to or not.

[ingoodhans]

I've never been dumped, no. But I usually don't feel too bad about it when I do the dumping.

[ RED FLAGS. RIGHT HERE. HANS HAS NO HEART. ]

[icy]

[ Shaking his head. ]

Alright, let's have a little experiment.

[ Poking him in the arm. ]

For the next week, I'm dumping you as a friend. I'm not going to want to look at you, talk to you, I won't even acknowledge that you exist because some people actually do that. Starting right now, you're nothing to me.

[ Which implies he is (or was) as Jack walks past him. ]

[ingoodhans]

Is that how you'd dump someone? Seems awfully harsh, don'tcha think?

[ Says the asshole, sipping his soda... and following Jack. ]

Never had an amicable break up before? It doesn't always have to be so bad.

[icy]

[ Striding upstairs, he adopts a tone that certainly doesn't belong to him but is picked out of the depths of memory. (No need to plumb them too far, as it turns out.) ]

Why are you always there? Can't I move without seeing you? I don't want to hear anything you've got to say, it'd be better if you were just invisible so I could walk through you.

[ And heading across the landing to his bedroom. ]

Don't you get it? I wish you'd vanish.

[ingoodhans]

[ Hans says nothing at all. Not yet. He sets his soda down and follows him, observing Jack for the most part. Okay, Hans doesn't really know Jack that well but he can guess that's not his thing. His tone is too forced, and Hans is too damn perceptive.

Plus, really, that's the kind of thing Hans' brothers used to tell him all the time, so the bad memories don't exactly improve his mood. ]

Aw, Jack. But if I vanish, then who'll notice you?

[icy]

My boyfriend.

[ Incensed for real this time, he slams his door. The lock snicks across it, out of sight. ]

[ingoodhans]

Hm, I don't think he likes me.

[ Boo, so much for that. Hans stands outside Jack's room for a bit, trying to figure out where he went wrong, exactly. Because, y'know, he's heartless and doesn't really get people when they don't play by his tune.

Okay, so he was goading Jack with that last bit, but... Nope, he can't figure it out. If he's fake nice, people distrust him. If he's honest, then he's a jerk. He almost wants to ask...

What did I ever do to you?

But Hans has heard enough answers from his brothers to know there's no point in pursuing that. ]

You want me to dump Anna? Fine. I can be the bad guy.

[ Just, uh, don't do anything drastic, Hans. Like. Break her heart instead of letting her down slow.

Uh oh. He's practically monologuing... ]

[icy]

Go away, Hans!

[ Something thunks against the wall (probably one of Hiccup's dragon figurines, he'd got a thousand. Or seven. ]

[ingoodhans]

[ Hans just smirks. Now he's leaning on the door, whispering into the doorknob. ]

Okay, byeee.