catpiles | it's not a nude party but there's no rules against taking your pants off too

Skip to Main Content

Entry tags:

!memes,
college au

it's not a nude party but there's no rules against taking your pants off too

in which everyone is required to take their damn shirt off because reasons
that's really all there is to this party so just take it off ladays and gents

TOPLESS PARTY

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Hey, so. Mr. Manly Viking Chest. Some pale asshole is hurling ice cubes at you right now. From across the room, even.]

How'd you like them apples, dragon boy!?

[Because you have more posters of Eragon book covers in your room than is healthy, Hiccup.]

[Hiccup feels the loud thwack on his head, instinctively bringing up a hand to rub his scalp. Turning to send a glare, he easily finds the culprit, spotting the distinguishable white hair and smirk.]

You're lucky those aren't actual apples, Frosty, or I'd really be dragon kicking your ass.

[Jack approaches him now, sincerely wishing Hiccup wore a shirt he could drop some ice cubes into.]

Well, if you want, we can both duke it out the entire night. [Among other things.

]

But I've kinda set my sights on a mutual enemy. You know him because he always comes in to use the restroom and never flushes.

[It's surprising they haven't hired a better gardener yet. But, alas. College student salaries, right?]

Doesn't wash his hands, either. And he's claimed, like, half the back yard as his "swamp!" Who the fuck even does that?

[Hiccup's cautious when he approaches, leaning back a little, hoping not to get another attack, but drops his guard at the talk of a sudden "mutual enemy".

That guy was pretty mean, always yelling at folks, storming in to use their bathroom all the time without them even offering. As much as he enjoyed picking little fights with Jack, somehow the idea of teaching that guy a lesson sounded pretty good.]

So you're saying you want to call a truce to get even on that guy?

Basically.

[So that when all is said and done and Hiccup's off guard, he's the next target.]

I think he's still taking a shit as we speak. You know he totally lives in the abandoned tool-shed out back, right?

[Oh, no. That unmistakable grin on Jack's face spells bad news for the gardener.]

'Cause we can totally egg it.

[Hiccup might be too trusting, because he doesn't even consider the possible of this being a subtle trap. Instead, he's too overly amused at this incredible idea.]

Alright then, roomie. Looks like we're partners for the night. I hope we have enough eggs.

There should be some in that fridge.

[He just points at it, unafraid to make the amputee do a little work.]

Go get it, man. And hurry! Who knows how long he's gonna take in there?

[Because, dear god, the occupant of the bathroom is being very loud about what he's doing.]

Somehow I'm beginning to think you only dragged me into this to get your own personal servant.

[He sighs, but he's Hiccup, so he's gonna be the typical nice guy and actually dig into the fridge for as many egg cartons as he could find--some probably belong to their other housemates, but uh, he'll worry about that in the morning.

Struggling to grasp onto all the cartons while shutting the fridge door back with a quick hit of his hip, he glares over at his roommate.]

I thought this was a team effort, you know!

It is! Now hand me some of those cartons, good sir.

[The ones Hiccup ends up giving Jack, Jack just puts on the adjacent table. He takes a few eggs out of one and leaves them on the floor in front of the bathroom door. The door is designed to open inward, so Shrek's going to end up stepping on those eggs if he's not careful. That's gonna be distracting enough to give these two the time they need to egg the tool-shed.]

See what I'm doing here? It's brilliant. I'm brilliant.

I wouldn't exactly say brilliant--[More like excessive, nutty troublemaker who's a force that can never be stopped.]

Well, we need to hurry, right? Shall we race into the night and cause havoc now, Sir Batman?

[Partners in crime, right?]

[This older billionaire is squinting at the two of them for some reason.]

Yes we shall, little Robin.

[He picks up his share of egg cartons.]

It's quicker to the tool-shed if we take the back door!

[Of course he has to kick said door open before making it outside, though. Classy.]

[Hiccup frowns at the door kicking. Because really, really.]

You know, you really have to stop hogging all of the dramatic flair. [But he'll still follow him outside faithfully like the good sidekick he is. Maybe one day, Hiccup, one day you'll have your time to outshine him.]

So should we just ... attack like crazy and then make a mad dash for it?

We can always share it if you're that interested.

[He flings three eggs at the tool-shed.]

Attack like crazy, admire our work, then make a mad dash for it. But please, waste your eggs to your heart's content.

[Three more on the tool-shed window, now.]

You realize that we're also risking our housemates killing us, right?

[Because well, these weren't theirs and he was almost dreading the idea of a fierce, angry Merida smashing eggs across his face. Of course, that doesn't stop him from chucking a bunch of them at the shed. After all, he was drunk and this was fun.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only